女友做啥都对 | 口语小本本spoken.cc

[00:00.00]She wasn't making a lot of money 
[00:01.76]when we first started dating. At that point, 
[00:03.61]she was a professional athlete. I was not. 
[00:06.36]I'm not very good at sports. I know I 
[00:08.25]look like I played lacrosse for Slytherin. 
[00:10.32]But I'm not a coordinated person.
[00:12.61]She was a swimmer, and we had 
[00:15.30]kind of a rocky start. Two months after 
[00:17.42]we started dating, she went to 
[00:18.70]the U.S. Olympic trials.
[00:19.91]She was a top contender 
[00:21.51]to make the Olympic team, and she didn't. 
[00:23.91]And it is very painful when a person works 
[00:26.62]their whole life at one goal and misses. 
[00:29.53]And you've only been dating 
[00:31.31]that person for two months. 
[00:33.19]That was a lot for me to deal 
[00:35.29]with on our seventh date.
[00:37.18]What do you say to that? Be like, 
[00:38.52]"Hey, sorry you failed at your dreams. 
[00:40.30]Also what's your middle name? 
[00:42.19]Mine's Lawrence." Isn't that embarrassing? 
[00:44.23]"Do you have any food allergies? 
[00:45.86]Do you believe in God? Anymore?" 
[00:47.94]Thank you.
[00:48.88]Also, I thought she was going to 
[00:50.43]make the team, which means 
[00:51.63]she would go to the Olympics, but she 
[00:53.40]would also go to the Olympic village, 
[00:54.40]which is famously debaucheries.
[00:56.47]It's all of the best athletes in the 
[00:58.24]world partying, drinking, romance. 
[01:00.93]And my brother asked me, 
[01:02.29]"What if she cheats on you?"
[01:03.71]And I said, "Well, then she better 
[01:05.63]get pregnant, because whatever she pops out, 
[01:08.77]I will raise like my flesh and blood. 
[01:11.10]I will be the proudest dad at field day."
[01:14.38]Like, "That's my son!" And people are like, 
[01:16.72]"Looks a lot like Usain Bolt." I'm like, 
[01:18.41]"Yeah. Yeah. People said that about me 
[01:20.80]at that age. They did." Thank you.
[01:22.20]Here's the twist. I've been doing comedy 
[01:24.40]for ten years. I've been dating her 
[01:25.51]for five years. One year ago, 
[01:27.47]she started doing comedy, as well.
[01:30.00]Which means she watched me do this 
[01:32.69]for four years and was like, 
[01:34.10]"Seems easy enough. Alright. 
[01:35.63]If this clown can do it, scoot over."
[01:37.84]I always wanted my work to be 
[01:39.51]inspiring but not in a "Rudy" kind of way. 
[01:42.30]And she was very secretive about it.
[01:44.15]She wouldn't let me watch, and then 
[01:46.70]we got booked on a show together. 
[01:48.38]And I was a little nervous for her, 
[01:49.96]and I got to see her perform, 
[01:51.40]and it was awesome.
[01:52.20]Because she's good. She's really good. 
[01:53.77]But she's also not as good as me, which
[01:57.50]Whew! Thank God!
[01:59.13]Strong act, but don't quit our day job. 
[02:02.63]Someone has to pay 3/4ths of the rent 
[02:04.91]around here. Hey, thank you so much.
[02:07.10]Ah! Fantastic. Come on. Matthew Broussard! 
[02:14.78]Matthew Broussard. He'll be at the 
[02:18.47]Denver Comedy Works South 
[02:19.88]February 10th through the 12th.

女友做啥都对

女权主义者：我的女友做啥都对

tags: 口脱口喜剧布鲁萨德

主要角色

马修·布鲁萨德 Matthew Broussard
美国演员兼作家

内容

英中
中英
盲听

1

She wasn't making a lot of money when we first started dating. At that point, she was a professional athlete. I was not. I'm not very good at sports. I know I look like I played lacrosse for Slytherin⁽¹⁾. But I'm not a coordinated person.

显示译文▼

我们刚开始约会的时候她还没赚很多钱。那时，她是一名职业运动员。我不是。我不太擅长运动。我知道我看起来像为斯莱特林打长曲棍球的。但我不是个动作协调的人。
⁽¹⁾Slytherin，此处指系列电影《哈利·波特》中的斯莱特林学院，一个重视荣誉、狡猾、野心和足智多谋的学院，俗称蛇院。lacrosse指的是系列电影《哈利·波特》中的空中团队对抗运动Quidditch。

2

She was a swimmer, and we had kind of a rocky start. Two months after we started dating, she went to the U.S. Olympic trials.

显示译文▼

她是个游泳运动员，我们一开始有点不顺利。我们开始约会两个月后，她去参加美国奥林匹克选拔赛。

3

She was a top contender to make the Olympic team, and she didn't. And it is very painful when a person works their whole life at one goal and misses. And you've only been dating that person for two months. That was a lot for me to deal with on our seventh date.

显示译文▼

她曾是入选奥运代表队的顶级竞争者，但她没成功。当一个人一生都在为一个目标而努力却失败了，这是非常痛苦的。而你只和那个人约会了两个月。在我们第七次约会的时候，我有很多事情要处理。

4

What do you say to that? Be like, "Hey, sorry you failed at your dreams. Also what's your middle name? Mine's Lawrence⁽²⁾." Isn't that embarrassing? "Do you have any food allergies? Do you believe in God? Anymore?" Thank you.

显示译文▼

这种情况你会怎么说？比如:“嘿，很遗憾你的梦想失败了。还有，你的中间名是什么？我叫劳伦斯。”那不是尴尬吗？“你对什么食物过敏吗？”“你再也不相信上帝了吗？”谢谢大家！
⁽²⁾此处指的是男方的钢铁直男自杀式安慰。劳伦斯在拉丁语中的意思是桂冠，象征着胜利。另有一年一度的劳伦斯世界体育奖（Lawrence World Sports Awards），简称劳伦斯奖，是世界体坛最具影响力的大奖之一。

5

Also, I thought she was going to make the team, which means she would go to the Olympics, but she would also go to the Olympic village, which is famously debaucheries.

显示译文▼

而且，我本以为她会入选奥运代表队，这意味着她会去参加奥运会，她也会去奥运村，那里可是出了名的放荡。

6

It's all of the best athletes in the world partying, drinking, romance. And my brother asked me, "What if she cheats on you?"

显示译文▼

世界上最好的运动员都在这里聚会，喝酒，谈情说爱。我兄弟问我“如果她背叛你怎么办？”

7

And I said, "Well, then she better get pregnant, because whatever she pops out, I will raise like my flesh and blood. I will be the proudest dad at field day."

显示译文▼

我说，“那她最好怀孕，因为不管她生出来什么，我都会像亲生骨肉一样养大。我一定会成为赛场上最骄傲的爸爸。”

8

Like, "That's my son!" And people are like, "Looks a lot like Usain Bolt." I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah. People said that about me at that age. They did." Thank you⁽³⁾.

显示译文▼

比如我说“那是我儿子！”人们会说“长得挺像博尔特的。”我说,“是的是的，我年轻时候（也挺黑）人们也都这么说我。现在他们还这么说我儿子。”谢谢大家！
⁽³⁾此处作为女主权主义者，他夸张的戏剧性的表达了女性至上的观点。即使自己是白人，孩子是黑人，他也认为他女友没做错。

9

Here's the twist. I've been doing comedy for ten years. I've been dating her for five years. One year ago, she started doing comedy, as well.

显示译文▼

这里是个转折，我演单口相声已经有十年了。我已经和她约会五年了。一年前，她也开始说单口相声。

10

Which means she watched me do this for four years and was like, "Seems easy enough. Alright. If this clown can do it, scoot over⁽⁴⁾."

显示译文▼

也就是说她看着我做了四年然后说“看起来很简单啊。好吧。如果这个小丑能做到，就给我也腾个空。”
⁽⁴⁾scoot over，让开、挪开、把（人或物）移到一边以让地儿、往那边靠一靠。

11

I always wanted my work to be inspiring but not in a "Rudy" kind of way. And she was very secretive about it.

显示译文▼

我一直希望我的作品能鼓舞人心，但不是像《追梦赤子心》那样。她对此讳莫如深。
⁽⁵⁾Rudy，1993在美国上映的电影《追梦赤子心》，该片讲述了身材瘦小的鲁迪通过不懈努力，进入梦想中的圣母大学橄榄球队，并最终由替补变为正选队员的故事。

12

She wouldn't let me watch, and then we got booked on a show together. And I was a little nervous for her, and I got to see her perform, and it was awesome.

显示译文▼

她不让我看，然后我们一起被预订上了一个节目。我为她感到有点紧张，我去看了她的表演，感觉棒极了。

13

Because she's good. She's really good. But she's also not as good as me, which -- Whew! Thank God!

显示译文▼

因为她很好。她真的很好。但她还没达到我的高度，感谢上帝!

14

Strong act, but don't quit our day job. Someone has to pay 3/4ths of the rent around here. Hey, thank you so much.

显示译文▼

表现得很好，但不要辞掉正职。总得有人付这里四分之三的房租。嘿，非常感谢你。

15

Ah! Fantastic. Come on. Matthew Broussard! Matthew Broussard. He'll be at the Denver Comedy Works South February 10th through the 12th.

显示译文▼

啊！太棒了。加油！马修·布鲁萨德！马修·布鲁萨德。他将于2月10日至12日在丹佛市南方喜剧工场演出。

1

我们刚开始约会的时候她还没赚很多钱。那时，她是一名职业运动员。我不是。我不太擅长运动。我知道我看起来像为斯莱特林打长曲棍球的。但我不是个动作协调的人。

显示原文▼

She wasn't making a lot of money when we first started dating. At that point, she was a professional athlete. I was not. I'm not very good at sports. I know I look like I played lacrosse for Slytherin⁽¹⁾. But I'm not a coordinated person.
⁽¹⁾Slytherin，此处指系列电影《哈利·波特》中的斯莱特林学院，一个重视荣誉、狡猾、野心和足智多谋的学院，俗称蛇院。lacrosse指的是系列电影《哈利·波特》中的空中团队对抗运动Quidditch。

2

她是个游泳运动员，我们一开始有点不顺利。我们开始约会两个月后，她去参加美国奥林匹克选拔赛。

显示原文▼

She was a swimmer, and we had kind of a rocky start. Two months after we started dating, she went to the U.S. Olympic trials.

3

她曾是入选奥运代表队的顶级竞争者，但她没成功。当一个人一生都在为一个目标而努力却失败了，这是非常痛苦的。而你只和那个人约会了两个月。在我们第七次约会的时候，我有很多事情要处理。

显示原文▼

She was a top contender to make the Olympic team, and she didn't. And it is very painful when a person works their whole life at one goal and misses. And you've only been dating that person for two months. That was a lot for me to deal with on our seventh date.

4

这种情况你会怎么说？比如:“嘿，很遗憾你的梦想失败了。还有，你的中间名是什么？我叫劳伦斯。”那不是尴尬吗？“你对什么食物过敏吗？”“你再也不相信上帝了吗？”谢谢大家！

显示原文▼

What do you say to that? Be like, "Hey, sorry you failed at your dreams. Also what's your middle name? Mine's Lawrence⁽²⁾." Isn't that embarrassing? "Do you have any food allergies? Do you believe in God? Anymore?" Thank you.
⁽²⁾此处指的是男方的钢铁直男自杀式安慰。劳伦斯在拉丁语中的意思是桂冠，象征着胜利。另有一年一度的劳伦斯世界体育奖（Lawrence World Sports Awards），简称劳伦斯奖，是世界体坛最具影响力的大奖之一。

5

而且，我本以为她会入选奥运代表队，这意味着她会去参加奥运会，她也会去奥运村，那里可是出了名的放荡。

显示原文▼

Also, I thought she was going to make the team, which means she would go to the Olympics, but she would also go to the Olympic village, which is famously debaucheries.

6

世界上最好的运动员都在这里聚会，喝酒，谈情说爱。我兄弟问我“如果她背叛你怎么办？”

显示原文▼

It's all of the best athletes in the world partying, drinking, romance. And my brother asked me, "What if she cheats on you?"

7

我说，“那她最好怀孕，因为不管她生出来什么，我都会像亲生骨肉一样养大。我一定会成为赛场上最骄傲的爸爸。”

显示原文▼

And I said, "Well, then she better get pregnant, because whatever she pops out, I will raise like my flesh and blood. I will be the proudest dad at field day."

8

比如我说“那是我儿子！”人们会说“长得挺像博尔特的。”我说,“是的是的，我年轻时候（也挺黑）人们也都这么说我。现在他们还这么说我儿子。”谢谢大家！

显示原文▼

Like, "That's my son!" And people are like, "Looks a lot like Usain Bolt." I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah. People said that about me at that age. They did." Thank you⁽³⁾.
⁽³⁾此处作为女主权主义者，他夸张的戏剧性的表达了女性至上的观点。即使自己是白人，孩子是黑人，他也认为他女友没做错。

9

这里是个转折，我演单口相声已经有十年了。我已经和她约会五年了。一年前，她也开始说单口相声。

显示原文▼

Here's the twist. I've been doing comedy for ten years. I've been dating her for five years. One year ago, she started doing comedy, as well.

10

也就是说她看着我做了四年然后说“看起来很简单啊。好吧。如果这个小丑能做到，就给我也腾个空。”

显示原文▼

Which means she watched me do this for four years and was like, "Seems easy enough. Alright. If this clown can do it, scoot over⁽⁴⁾."
⁽⁴⁾scoot over，让开、挪开、把（人或物）移到一边以让地儿、往那边靠一靠。

11

我一直希望我的作品能鼓舞人心，但不是像《追梦赤子心》那样。她对此讳莫如深。

显示原文▼

I always wanted my work to be inspiring but not in a "Rudy" kind of way. And she was very secretive about it.
⁽⁵⁾Rudy，1993在美国上映的电影《追梦赤子心》，该片讲述了身材瘦小的鲁迪通过不懈努力，进入梦想中的圣母大学橄榄球队，并最终由替补变为正选队员的故事。

12

她不让我看，然后我们一起被预订上了一个节目。我为她感到有点紧张，我去看了她的表演，感觉棒极了。

显示原文▼

She wouldn't let me watch, and then we got booked on a show together. And I was a little nervous for her, and I got to see her perform, and it was awesome.

13

因为她很好。她真的很好。但她还没达到我的高度，感谢上帝!

显示原文▼

Because she's good. She's really good. But she's also not as good as me, which -- Whew! Thank God!

14

表现得很好，但不要辞掉正职。总得有人付这里四分之三的房租。嘿，非常感谢你。

显示原文▼

Strong act, but don't quit our day job. Someone has to pay 3/4ths of the rent around here. Hey, thank you so much.

15

啊！太棒了。加油！马修·布鲁萨德！马修·布鲁萨德。他将于2月10日至12日在丹佛市南方喜剧工场演出。

显示原文▼

Ah! Fantastic. Come on. Matthew Broussard! Matthew Broussard. He'll be at the Denver Comedy Works South February 10th through the 12th.

1

She wasn't making a lot of money when we first started dating. At that point, she was a professional athlete. I was not. I'm not very good at sports. I know I look like I played lacrosse for Slytherin⁽¹⁾. But I'm not a coordinated person.
2

She was a swimmer, and we had kind of a rocky start. Two months after we started dating, she went to the U.S. Olympic trials.
3

She was a top contender to make the Olympic team, and she didn't. And it is very painful when a person works their whole life at one goal and misses. And you've only been dating that person for two months. That was a lot for me to deal with on our seventh date.
4

What do you say to that? Be like, "Hey, sorry you failed at your dreams. Also what's your middle name? Mine's Lawrence⁽²⁾." Isn't that embarrassing? "Do you have any food allergies? Do you believe in God? Anymore?" Thank you.
5

Also, I thought she was going to make the team, which means she would go to the Olympics, but she would also go to the Olympic village, which is famously debaucheries.
6

It's all of the best athletes in the world partying, drinking, romance. And my brother asked me, "What if she cheats on you?"
7

And I said, "Well, then she better get pregnant, because whatever she pops out, I will raise like my flesh and blood. I will be the proudest dad at field day."
8

Like, "That's my son!" And people are like, "Looks a lot like Usain Bolt." I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah. People said that about me at that age. They did." Thank you⁽³⁾.
9

Here's the twist. I've been doing comedy for ten years. I've been dating her for five years. One year ago, she started doing comedy, as well.
10

Which means she watched me do this for four years and was like, "Seems easy enough. Alright. If this clown can do it, scoot over⁽⁴⁾."
11

I always wanted my work to be inspiring but not in a "Rudy" kind of way. And she was very secretive about it.
12

She wouldn't let me watch, and then we got booked on a show together. And I was a little nervous for her, and I got to see her perform, and it was awesome.
13

Because she's good. She's really good. But she's also not as good as me, which -- Whew! Thank God!
14

Strong act, but don't quit our day job. Someone has to pay 3/4ths of the rent around here. Hey, thank you so much.
15

Ah! Fantastic. Come on. Matthew Broussard! Matthew Broussard. He'll be at the Denver Comedy Works South February 10th through the 12th.