为女友服务是我的使命

1

Our next guest can be seen at the Denver Comedy Works South February 10th through the 12th. Please welcome the very funny Matthew Broussard.

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我们的下一位嘉宾将于2月10日至12日在丹佛市南方喜剧工场演出。有请非常有趣的马修·布鲁萨德。

2

Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. Thank you. Y'all doing good? Awesome. I'm doing great. My girlfriend and I just celebrated five years together. Five years. Thank you very much.

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非常感谢。非常感谢。感谢。谢谢你！你们好吗？太棒了。我过得很好。我和我女朋友刚刚庆祝了我们在一起的五年。五年了，非常感谢。

3

Yes, we're fighting less now. We did two things. We learned each other's love languages. I recommend that. There's five of them. They're gifts, words, service, time, and affection. My love language is words. Her love language is gifts, words, service, time, and affection. Yahtzee⁽¹⁾. Yes.

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是的，我们现在吵架少了。我们做了两件事。我们学会了彼此的爱的表达方式。我的建议有五个词，它们是礼物、言语、效劳、时间和感情。我喜欢另一半对我的表达方式是言语。她喜欢我对她的表达方式是礼物、言语、效劳、时间和感情。不错吧，是的。
⁽¹⁾Yahtzee本是一种骰子游戏。后来成为俚语,喊“Yahtzee”说明遇到了好事，也表示对对方表示赞赏，加强了语气，突显了说话人内心的激动。

4

We also got a cat. He is the love our life. Yes, his name is Password. My girlfriend works in cyber security, and the most commonly used password is "Your pet's name", and I didn't feel like changing mine, so Password -- it stays. Thank you.

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我们还养了一只猫。它是我俩的最爱。是的，它的名字叫Password。我女朋友从事网络安全工作，最常用的密码是“你宠物的名字”，我不想改成我的名字，所以Password就保留下来。谢谢你！（此处表达了作为男性女权主义者，他在女友面前像一只宠物那么乖）

5

She has a great job, my girlfriend. She works in tech. I made a mistake recently. I looked at her tax documents. I learned she makes four times what I do.

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她有份好工作，我的女朋友。她在科技行业工作，我最近犯了个错误。我看了她的纳税相关文件。我知道她赚的钱是我的四倍。

6

So I am a feminist, yes. That's what that makes me. Yeah. People are like, "What kind of feminist are you? Intersectional? Third wave⁽²⁾?" I'm like, "Indentured? I don't know."

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所以我是个女权主义者，是的。我就是这样的人。是的。人们会这样问，“你是哪种女权主义者？区间的吗？第三波浪潮的吗？”我说,“大概是‘签订契约型’女权主义？我也不知道。”
⁽²⁾近代西方女权运动可分为四次“浪潮”。第一波浪潮发生在19-20世纪初，旨在促进女性获得投票权。第二波浪潮是女性解放运动，开始于20世纪60年代，旨在为女性争取法律和社会上的平等。第三波浪潮发生在1992年前后，其特点是注重个性和多样性。第四波浪潮从2012年开始，特点是利用社交媒体打击性骚扰、针对女性的暴力行为的文化。

7

I'm fighting for my maternity leave. You understand? I'm not trying to rely on her financially, but "in case of emergency, break the glass ceiling⁽³⁾." That's my bumper sticker⁽⁴⁾ that I put on my laptop because I don't own a car.

显示译文▼

我正在争取休产假。你明白吗？我不想在经济上依赖她，但“万一有紧急情况，要打破那玻璃天花板。"这是我贴在笔记本电脑上的保险杠贴纸，因为我没有车。（意思是有孩子后让她继续工作，自己来当奶爸。）
⁽³⁾glass ceiling，玻璃天花板，此词首次出现于1986年3月24日的《华尔街日报》的“企业女性”专栏，用来描述因女性的生理特质和女性的社会角色，导致女性试图晋升到企业或组织高层所面临的障碍。“玻璃天花板”的存在，给女性带来了巨大困扰，不利于社会的平等和谐。

⁽⁴⁾bumper sticker，(贴在汽车后保险杠上、通常印有政治、宗教标语或幽默言语的)保险杠贴纸。流行于欧美的倡导女权主义的汽车贴纸通常会印"in case of emergency, break the glass ceiling"这句话。

8

And it's a weird feeling. I've always struggled to find a balance between being a good boyfriend and my job, and now being a good boyfriend is my job.

显示译文▼

这种感觉很奇怪。我一直努力在做一个好男友和我的工作之间找到平衡，现在做一个好男友就是我的工作。

9

I'm only here because she approved my PTO⁽⁵⁾. I'm on call right now. And I love comedy. I mean, "Tonight Show" is a dream come true. But because of her income, this is just a cute hobby. That's all this is.

显示译文▼

我能到这里只是因为她给我准了假。我现在被她随叫随到。我喜欢喜剧。我是说，《今夜秀》让我梦想成真。但因为有她的收入作对比，（我来今夜秀说个收入并不高的相声）充其量是个小爱好。这就是全部。
⁽⁵⁾PTO，此处指Personal Time Off，个人休假。

10

Everything I'm doing could be summed up by her at a dinner party, being like, "Honey, honey, come show them your little trick. Come on. Do one of your little skits." Isn't that precious?

显示译文▼

我所做的每一件事都可以被她在晚宴上总结出来，比如:“亲爱的，亲爱的，来让他们看看你的小魔术。来吧。演一个你的小品。”那不是很珍贵很感人吗？

11

It's changed my motivations. I used to work out for fitness. Now I work out for job security. I got to keep this ass tight. If I get shredded⁽⁶⁾, so does the prenup. That's my thinspo⁽⁷⁾.

显示译文▼

它改善了我的积极性。我过去常为健康而锻炼。现在我为‘保住这份当她男朋友的工作’而锻炼。我必须保持住身材。如果我练就了好身材，这也符合婚前协议。这是我的励瘦。
⁽⁶⁾Get shredded，俚语表示练成了肌肉发达且轮廓分明的体格。
⁽⁷⁾thinspo，thinspiration的缩写，励瘦，就是励志瘦身，用一些瘦身的人作为励志偶像来鼓励减肥的人士。

12

She has not figured out how much power she now has over me. She asked me recently, "Would you ever leave me?"

显示译文▼

她还没有意识到她现在对我有多大的影响力。她最近问我:“你会离开我吗?”

13

And I said, "It would have to be a competitive offer. I'm not jumping ship for nothing. Not trying to be some entry level F-boy, freelancing with no health insurance."

显示译文▼

我说：“必须是一个有竞争力的报价（一位比你更优秀的女子），否则我不会无缘无故跳槽的。而不是试图成为入门级的小渣男，没有医疗保险的自由职业者。”

1

我们的下一位嘉宾将于2月10日至12日在丹佛市南方喜剧工场演出。有请非常有趣的马修·布鲁萨德。

显示原文▼

Our next guest can be seen at the Denver Comedy Works South February 10th through the 12th. Please welcome the very funny Matthew Broussard.

2

非常感谢。非常感谢。感谢。谢谢你！你们好吗？太棒了。我过得很好。我和我女朋友刚刚庆祝了我们在一起的五年。五年了，非常感谢。

显示原文▼

Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. Thank you. Y'all doing good? Awesome. I'm doing great. My girlfriend and I just celebrated five years together. Five years. Thank you very much.

3

是的，我们现在吵架少了。我们做了两件事。我们学会了彼此的爱的表达方式。我的建议有五个词，它们是礼物、言语、效劳、时间和感情。我喜欢另一半对我的表达方式是言语。她喜欢我对她的表达方式是礼物、言语、效劳、时间和感情。不错吧，是的。

显示原文▼

Yes, we're fighting less now. We did two things. We learned each other's love languages. I recommend that. There's five of them. They're gifts, words, service, time, and affection. My love language is words. Her love language is gifts, words, service, time, and affection. Yahtzee⁽¹⁾. Yes.
⁽¹⁾Yahtzee本是一种骰子游戏。后来成为俚语,喊“Yahtzee”说明遇到了好事，也表示对对方表示赞赏，加强了语气，突显了说话人内心的激动。

4

我们还养了一只猫。它是我俩的最爱。是的，它的名字叫Password。我女朋友从事网络安全工作，最常用的密码是“你宠物的名字”，我不想改成我的名字，所以Password就保留下来。谢谢你！（此处表达了作为男性女权主义者，他在女友面前像一只宠物那么乖）

显示原文▼

We also got a cat. He is the love our life. Yes, his name is Password. My girlfriend works in cyber security, and the most commonly used password is "Your pet's name", and I didn't feel like changing mine, so Password -- it stays. Thank you.

5

她有份好工作，我的女朋友。她在科技行业工作，我最近犯了个错误。我看了她的纳税相关文件。我知道她赚的钱是我的四倍。

显示原文▼

She has a great job, my girlfriend. She works in tech. I made a mistake recently. I looked at her tax documents. I learned she makes four times what I do.

6

所以我是个女权主义者，是的。我就是这样的人。是的。人们会这样问，“你是哪种女权主义者？区间的吗？第三波浪潮的吗？”我说,“大概是‘签订契约型’女权主义？我也不知道。”

显示原文▼

So I am a feminist, yes. That's what that makes me. Yeah. People are like, "What kind of feminist are you? Intersectional? Third wave⁽²⁾?" I'm like, "Indentured? I don't know."
⁽²⁾近代西方女权运动可分为四次“浪潮”。第一波浪潮发生在19-20世纪初，旨在促进女性获得投票权。第二波浪潮是女性解放运动，开始于20世纪60年代，旨在为女性争取法律和社会上的平等。第三波浪潮发生在1992年前后，其特点是注重个性和多样性。第四波浪潮从2012年开始，特点是利用社交媒体打击性骚扰、针对女性的暴力行为的文化。

7

我正在争取休产假。你明白吗？我不想在经济上依赖她，但“万一有紧急情况，要打破那玻璃天花板。"这是我贴在笔记本电脑上的保险杠贴纸，因为我没有车。（意思是有孩子后让她继续工作，自己来当奶爸。）

显示原文▼

I'm fighting for my maternity leave. You understand? I'm not trying to rely on her financially, but "in case of emergency, break the glass ceiling⁽³⁾." That's my bumper sticker⁽⁴⁾ that I put on my laptop because I don't own a car.
⁽³⁾glass ceiling，玻璃天花板，此词首次出现于1986年3月24日的《华尔街日报》的“企业女性”专栏，用来描述因女性的生理特质和女性的社会角色，导致女性试图晋升到企业或组织高层所面临的障碍。“玻璃天花板”的存在，给女性带来了巨大困扰，不利于社会的平等和谐。

⁽⁴⁾bumper sticker，(贴在汽车后保险杠上、通常印有政治、宗教标语或幽默言语的)保险杠贴纸。流行于欧美的倡导女权主义的汽车贴纸通常会印"in case of emergency, break the glass ceiling"这句话。

8

这种感觉很奇怪。我一直努力在做一个好男友和我的工作之间找到平衡，现在做一个好男友就是我的工作。

显示原文▼

And it's a weird feeling. I've always struggled to find a balance between being a good boyfriend and my job, and now being a good boyfriend is my job.

9

我能到这里只是因为她给我准了假。我现在被她随叫随到。我喜欢喜剧。我是说，《今夜秀》让我梦想成真。但因为有她的收入作对比，（我来今夜秀说个收入并不高的相声）充其量是个小爱好。这就是全部。

显示原文▼

I'm only here because she approved my PTO⁽⁵⁾. I'm on call right now. And I love comedy. I mean, "Tonight Show" is a dream come true. But because of her income, this is just a cute hobby. That's all this is.
⁽⁵⁾PTO，此处指Personal Time Off，个人休假。

10

我所做的每一件事都可以被她在晚宴上总结出来，比如:“亲爱的，亲爱的，来让他们看看你的小魔术。来吧。演一个你的小品。”那不是很珍贵很感人吗？

显示原文▼

Everything I'm doing could be summed up by her at a dinner party, being like, "Honey, honey, come show them your little trick. Come on. Do one of your little skits." Isn't that precious?

11

它改善了我的积极性。我过去常为健康而锻炼。现在我为‘保住这份当她男朋友的工作’而锻炼。我必须保持住身材。如果我练就了好身材，这也符合婚前协议。这是我的励瘦。

显示原文▼

It's changed my motivations. I used to work out for fitness. Now I work out for job security. I got to keep this ass tight. If I get shredded⁽⁶⁾, so does the prenup. That's my thinspo⁽⁷⁾.
⁽⁶⁾Get shredded，俚语表示练成了肌肉发达且轮廓分明的体格。
⁽⁷⁾thinspo，thinspiration的缩写，励瘦，就是励志瘦身，用一些瘦身的人作为励志偶像来鼓励减肥的人士。

12

她还没有意识到她现在对我有多大的影响力。她最近问我:“你会离开我吗?”

显示原文▼

She has not figured out how much power she now has over me. She asked me recently, "Would you ever leave me?"

13

我说：“必须是一个有竞争力的报价（一位比你更优秀的女子），否则我不会无缘无故跳槽的。而不是试图成为入门级的小渣男，没有医疗保险的自由职业者。”

显示原文▼

And I said, "It would have to be a competitive offer. I'm not jumping ship for nothing. Not trying to be some entry level F-boy, freelancing with no health insurance."

1

Our next guest can be seen at the Denver Comedy Works South February 10th through the 12th. Please welcome the very funny Matthew Broussard.
2

Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. Thank you. Y'all doing good? Awesome. I'm doing great. My girlfriend and I just celebrated five years together. Five years. Thank you very much.
3

Yes, we're fighting less now. We did two things. We learned each other's love languages. I recommend that. There's five of them. They're gifts, words, service, time, and affection. My love language is words. Her love language is gifts, words, service, time, and affection. Yahtzee⁽¹⁾. Yes.
4

We also got a cat. He is the love our life. Yes, his name is Password. My girlfriend works in cyber security, and the most commonly used password is "Your pet's name", and I didn't feel like changing mine, so Password -- it stays. Thank you.
5

She has a great job, my girlfriend. She works in tech. I made a mistake recently. I looked at her tax documents. I learned she makes four times what I do.
6

So I am a feminist, yes. That's what that makes me. Yeah. People are like, "What kind of feminist are you? Intersectional? Third wave⁽²⁾?" I'm like, "Indentured? I don't know."
7

I'm fighting for my maternity leave. You understand? I'm not trying to rely on her financially, but "in case of emergency, break the glass ceiling⁽³⁾." That's my bumper sticker⁽⁴⁾ that I put on my laptop because I don't own a car.
8

And it's a weird feeling. I've always struggled to find a balance between being a good boyfriend and my job, and now being a good boyfriend is my job.
9

I'm only here because she approved my PTO⁽⁵⁾. I'm on call right now. And I love comedy. I mean, "Tonight Show" is a dream come true. But because of her income, this is just a cute hobby. That's all this is.
10

Everything I'm doing could be summed up by her at a dinner party, being like, "Honey, honey, come show them your little trick. Come on. Do one of your little skits." Isn't that precious?
11

It's changed my motivations. I used to work out for fitness. Now I work out for job security. I got to keep this ass tight. If I get shredded⁽⁶⁾, so does the prenup. That's my thinspo⁽⁷⁾.
12

She has not figured out how much power she now has over me. She asked me recently, "Would you ever leave me?"
13

And I said, "It would have to be a competitive offer. I'm not jumping ship for nothing. Not trying to be some entry level F-boy, freelancing with no health insurance."

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马修·布鲁萨德 Matthew Broussard

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