谈戒酒 | 口语小本本spoken.cc

[00:00.00]Our next guest has his stand-up special, 
[00:03.80]"Downhill Ever Since," available on YouTube. 
[00:06.20]Making his "Tonight Show" debut, please 
[00:08.80]welcome the very funny Raanan Hershberg.
[00:10.91]Thank you. Thank you so much. 
[00:13.10]How are you all doing? Huh? Great. 
[00:17.52]So I've been sober now for five years. 
[00:19.75]Yeah. Yeah.
[00:21.69]It's actually been a couple weeks, 
[00:23.40]but it feels like five years. No. 
[00:25.68]It's been a while.
[00:26.60]But even when I wasn't sober, 
[00:27.89]there were some drugs I never did. 
[00:29.18]Like, I hate edibles. 
[00:30.30]They're my least favorite drug.
[00:31.87]'Cause every edible instruction is always 
[00:33.77]the same and it's always nonsense.
[00:35.78]It's always someone handing you a cookie 
[00:37.31]and being like, "Only do half!" 
[00:40.41]"Do not do more than half! Just half!"
[00:44.93]It's like, "Excuse me. I never had 
[00:47.44]half a cookie in my life." Never! 
[00:50.29]I've either had zero cookies 
[00:51.94]or all the cookies. 
[00:53.94]There's no in-between with cookies.
[00:56.76]If you want me to have half of something, 
[00:58.54]how about you don't put the marijuana 
[01:00.50]in a dessert? How about that? 
[01:01.34]Right? Don't put it in a brownie or a gummy. 
[01:04.41]I'll do half a weed carrot. 
[01:06.35]Yeah, I don't want to brag, 
[01:08.26]but I can do half a carrot, no problem.
[01:10.35]I never once had half a carrot and been like, 
[01:13.55]"Get this away from me 
[01:15.70]before I eat the whole thing!"
[01:16.46]Now that I'm sober, I have no tolerance. 
[01:19.75]That's what happens. 
[01:20.55]I used to do drugs till the dawn.
[01:23.40]Now if I see someone 
[01:24.73]drinking coffee after 2:00, I'm like, 
[01:27.00]"Take a look at Keith Richards over here."
[01:29.17]"What is that? Cold brew? 
[01:31.55]Are you out of your mind? 
[01:32.87]Do you need an intervention right now?"

谈戒酒

tags: 单口脱口喜剧赫什伯格

主要角色

拉阿南·赫什伯格 Raanan Hershberg
美国脱口秀演员

内容

英中
中英
盲听

1

Our next guest has his stand-up special, "Downhill Ever Since," available on YouTube. Making his "Tonight Show" debut, please welcome the very funny Raanan Hershberg.

显示译文▼

我们的下一位嘉宾有他的单口喜剧特别节目《从此每况愈下》可以在YouTube上观看。这是他在《今夜秀》的首次亮相，有请非常有趣的拉阿南·赫什伯格。

2

Thank you. Thank you so much. How are you all doing? Huh? Great. So I've been sober now for five years. Yeah. Yeah.

显示译文▼

谢谢你！非常感谢。你们都好吗？很好，我已经戒酒五年了。是的。

3

It's actually been a couple weeks, but it feels like five years. No. It's been a while.

显示译文▼

其实才过了几周，但感觉像是五年了。不，算是有一段时间了。

4

But even when I wasn't sober, there were some drugs I never did. Like, I hate edibles⁽¹⁾. They're my least favorite drug.

显示译文▼

但即使在我没戒酒的时候，也有一些毒品是我从未碰过的。比如，我讨厌可食用毒品。它们是我最不喜欢的毒品。
⁽¹⁾edibles，食物; 可吃的东西; 食用品; 可食用的; 可以吃的。此处指的是含有大麻的可食用毒品，北美部分地区大麻是合法的，遂衍生出一系列含大麻零食，如蛋糕、软糖、饼干、巧克力等。

5

'Cause every edible instruction is always the same and it's always nonsense.

显示译文▼

因为每一个食用说明都是一样的，而且都是胡说八道。

6

It's always someone handing you a cookie and being like, "Only do half!" "Do not do more than half! Just half!"

显示译文▼

总是有人递给你一块饼干，然后说，“只吃一半!”“不要超过一半!”只是一半!”

7

It's like, "Excuse me. I never had half a cookie in my life." Never! I've either had zero cookies or all the cookies. There's no in-between with cookies.

显示译文▼

我就想，“不好意思。我这辈子都没吃过半块饼干。”从来没有！我要么不吃饼干，要么吃全部饼干。饼干在我眼里是没有中间地带的。

8

If you want me to have half of something, how about you don't put the marijuana in a dessert? How about that?

显示译文▼

如果你想让我只吃掉一半，不如你别在甜点里放大麻？你觉得怎么样？（此处意思是他说饼干小，对于吃货来说吃一半饼干很无聊，别的甜点块头或许大一些，吃一半的话也能饱个口福。）

9

Right? Don't put it in a brownie or a gummy. I'll do half a weed carrot. Yeah, I don't want to brag, but I can do half a carrot, no problem.

显示译文▼

对吧？也不要把它放在巧克力小蛋糕或软糖里，还有，如果你让我吃半根‘含有大麻的胡萝卜’的话，我不是吹牛，这没问题。

10

I never once had half a carrot and been like, "Get this away from me before I eat the whole thing!"

显示译文▼

但我也从来没有吃过半根胡萝卜，到时候会这样说“把这个从我身边拿开，不然我就全吃了！”

11

Now that I'm sober, I have no tolerance. That's what happens. I used to do drugs till the dawn.

显示译文▼

现在我戒酒了，我无法忍（看别人放纵）。这是发生了什么。我以前都是嗑药嗨到天亮。

12

Now if I see someone drinking coffee after 2:00, I'm like, "Take a look at Keith Richards⁽²⁾ over here."

显示译文▼

现在就算我看到有人在凌晨两点后喝咖啡，我都会说，“看看这位基思·理查兹（酒鬼瘾君子的代名词）。”
⁽²⁾Keith Richards，基思·理查兹，英国歌手、制片人、作曲家，滚石乐队（the Rolling Stones）的创始人之一。他对药品和酒精的痴迷以及他放荡、糜烂的生活方式甚至和他高超的吉他技艺一样出名。

13

"What is that? Cold brew? Are you out of your mind? Do you need an intervention⁽³⁾ right now?"

显示译文▼

“那是什么？冷萃咖啡？你疯了吗？你现在需要你家人来管管你吗？（自己戒酒后无比清高的感觉）”
⁽³⁾intervention，介入、干涉、干预、调解。此处指一个有问题的人(如酗酒或吸毒成瘾)遇到一群人(如朋友或家人)，他们的目的是迫使这个人承认并处理这个问题。

1

我们的下一位嘉宾有他的单口喜剧特别节目《从此每况愈下》可以在YouTube上观看。这是他在《今夜秀》的首次亮相，有请非常有趣的拉阿南·赫什伯格。

显示原文▼

Our next guest has his stand-up special, "Downhill Ever Since," available on YouTube. Making his "Tonight Show" debut, please welcome the very funny Raanan Hershberg.

2

谢谢你！非常感谢。你们都好吗？很好，我已经戒酒五年了。是的。

显示原文▼

Thank you. Thank you so much. How are you all doing? Huh? Great. So I've been sober now for five years. Yeah. Yeah.

3

其实才过了几周，但感觉像是五年了。不，算是有一段时间了。

显示原文▼

It's actually been a couple weeks, but it feels like five years. No. It's been a while.

4

但即使在我没戒酒的时候，也有一些毒品是我从未碰过的。比如，我讨厌可食用毒品。它们是我最不喜欢的毒品。

显示原文▼

But even when I wasn't sober, there were some drugs I never did. Like, I hate edibles⁽¹⁾. They're my least favorite drug.
⁽¹⁾edibles，食物; 可吃的东西; 食用品; 可食用的; 可以吃的。此处指的是含有大麻的可食用毒品，北美部分地区大麻是合法的，遂衍生出一系列含大麻零食，如蛋糕、软糖、饼干、巧克力等。

5

因为每一个食用说明都是一样的，而且都是胡说八道。

显示原文▼

'Cause every edible instruction is always the same and it's always nonsense.

6

总是有人递给你一块饼干，然后说，“只吃一半!”“不要超过一半!”只是一半!”

显示原文▼

It's always someone handing you a cookie and being like, "Only do half!" "Do not do more than half! Just half!"

7

我就想，“不好意思。我这辈子都没吃过半块饼干。”从来没有！我要么不吃饼干，要么吃全部饼干。饼干在我眼里是没有中间地带的。

显示原文▼

It's like, "Excuse me. I never had half a cookie in my life." Never! I've either had zero cookies or all the cookies. There's no in-between with cookies.

8

如果你想让我只吃掉一半，不如你别在甜点里放大麻？你觉得怎么样？（此处意思是他说饼干小，对于吃货来说吃一半饼干很无聊，别的甜点块头或许大一些，吃一半的话也能饱个口福。）

显示原文▼

If you want me to have half of something, how about you don't put the marijuana in a dessert? How about that?

9

对吧？也不要把它放在巧克力小蛋糕或软糖里，还有，如果你让我吃半根‘含有大麻的胡萝卜’的话，我不是吹牛，这没问题。

显示原文▼

Right? Don't put it in a brownie or a gummy. I'll do half a weed carrot. Yeah, I don't want to brag, but I can do half a carrot, no problem.

10

但我也从来没有吃过半根胡萝卜，到时候会这样说“把这个从我身边拿开，不然我就全吃了！”

显示原文▼

I never once had half a carrot and been like, "Get this away from me before I eat the whole thing!"

11

现在我戒酒了，我无法忍（看别人放纵）。这是发生了什么。我以前都是嗑药嗨到天亮。

显示原文▼

Now that I'm sober, I have no tolerance. That's what happens. I used to do drugs till the dawn.

12

现在就算我看到有人在凌晨两点后喝咖啡，我都会说，“看看这位基思·理查兹（酒鬼瘾君子的代名词）。”

显示原文▼

Now if I see someone drinking coffee after 2:00, I'm like, "Take a look at Keith Richards⁽²⁾ over here."
⁽²⁾Keith Richards，基思·理查兹，英国歌手、制片人、作曲家，滚石乐队（the Rolling Stones）的创始人之一。他对药品和酒精的痴迷以及他放荡、糜烂的生活方式甚至和他高超的吉他技艺一样出名。

13

“那是什么？冷萃咖啡？你疯了吗？你现在需要你家人来管管你吗？（自己戒酒后无比清高的感觉）”

显示原文▼

"What is that? Cold brew? Are you out of your mind? Do you need an intervention⁽³⁾ right now?"
⁽³⁾intervention，介入、干涉、干预、调解。此处指一个有问题的人(如酗酒或吸毒成瘾)遇到一群人(如朋友或家人)，他们的目的是迫使这个人承认并处理这个问题。

1

Our next guest has his stand-up special, "Downhill Ever Since," available on YouTube. Making his "Tonight Show" debut, please welcome the very funny Raanan Hershberg.
2

Thank you. Thank you so much. How are you all doing? Huh? Great. So I've been sober now for five years. Yeah. Yeah.
3

It's actually been a couple weeks, but it feels like five years. No. It's been a while.
4

But even when I wasn't sober, there were some drugs I never did. Like, I hate edibles⁽¹⁾. They're my least favorite drug.
5

'Cause every edible instruction is always the same and it's always nonsense.
6

It's always someone handing you a cookie and being like, "Only do half!" "Do not do more than half! Just half!"
7

It's like, "Excuse me. I never had half a cookie in my life." Never! I've either had zero cookies or all the cookies. There's no in-between with cookies.
8

If you want me to have half of something, how about you don't put the marijuana in a dessert? How about that?
9

Right? Don't put it in a brownie or a gummy. I'll do half a weed carrot. Yeah, I don't want to brag, but I can do half a carrot, no problem.
10

I never once had half a carrot and been like, "Get this away from me before I eat the whole thing!"
11

Now that I'm sober, I have no tolerance. That's what happens. I used to do drugs till the dawn.
12

Now if I see someone drinking coffee after 2:00, I'm like, "Take a look at Keith Richards⁽²⁾ over here."
13

"What is that? Cold brew? Are you out of your mind? Do you need an intervention⁽³⁾ right now?"