谈变老 | 口语小本本spoken.cc

[00:00.00]But I'm also getting older. You know, I'm 37. 
[00:02.45]A lot of people think I'm younger 
[00:03.88]'cause I've had so few accomplishments.
[00:05.65]But I'm...  And it's hard to get old, too. 
[00:08.19]It really is. Especially in America. 
[00:09.65]It is hard to get old.
[00:10.83]Once you turn 75 in America, 
[00:13.23]you do not have a lot of options. 
[00:15.36]You really don't.
[00:16.17]You can either be put into a nursing home 
[00:18.25]or run every aspect of government.
[00:20.68]Those are the only options. 
[00:22.27]All of you have to make a choice at 75.
[00:24.61]Do you want to play bingo all day long 
[00:26.67]or do you want to pass legislation that will 
[00:29.85]have no effect on your life whatsoever?
[00:32.22]I thought as I get older, I'd get less anxious, 
[00:35.67]and that is not the case. 
[00:36.85]I'm a huge hypochondriac, 
[00:38.71]and my twin sister is, too, 
[00:40.40]but she's, like, a cocky kind.
[00:41.69]Like, she recently saw 
[00:42.80]a couple moles on my back. 
[00:43.90]And this is how cocky she is. She said, 
[00:45.56]"A couple of those moles look suspicious, 
[00:47.90]but you should probably 
[00:48.93]get a second opinion."
[00:50.38]I was like, "No offense, but I do not 
[00:52.17]consider what you just said a first opinion." 
[00:55.73]"Who do you think you are?" The gall. 
[00:58.63]You know how crappy that'd be 
[00:59.50]if I went to my doctor and I was like, 
[01:01.34]"I was just with my twin sister, 
[01:03.80]and now I'm here for a second opinion.
[01:06.77]And after you, I'm gonna talk to 
[01:08.68]my mailman, and he's gonna break the tie. 
[01:11.56]Why are you crying, Doctor?" 
[01:13.68]Anyway, she was a little insulted 
[01:15.34]'cause she's a dermatologist. 
[01:16.73]But I still feel strongly... 
[01:18.53]that she was being condescending! 
[01:20.70]My mom is getting up there. 
[01:22.13]My mom is in her 70s. 
[01:23.55]And she's kind of losing it. 
[01:24.81]Like, recently, one of my paychecks 
[01:26.11]accidentally got mailed to her.
[01:27.43]And she had to deposit it into 
[01:29.60]my banking mobile account. 
[01:30.39]And this is 100% true.
[01:31.94]I'm on the phone with her, and she goes, 
[01:33.47]"Alright. To get into your account, 
[01:35.43]there's a security question!"
[01:37.13]And I'm like, "What's the security question?" 
[01:39.10]And she goes, 
[01:39.83]"What city was your mother born in?"
[01:42.93]"Are you telling me I'm adopted or 
[01:45.30]that you have dementia? What's going on?"
[01:46.92]Now isn't it terrifying to think 
[01:48.57]that in only ten years, in only ten years, 
[01:51.37]she'll be ready to run for president?

谈变老

tags: 单口脱口喜剧赫什伯格

主要角色

拉阿南·赫什伯格 Raanan Hershberg
美国脱口秀演员

内容

英中
中英
盲听

1

But I'm also getting older. You know, I'm 37. A lot of people think I'm younger 'cause I've had so few accomplishments.

显示译文▼

但我也在变老。你知道，我37岁了。很多人觉得我更年轻，因为我没啥成就。

2

But I'm... And it's hard to get old, too. It really is. Especially in America. It is hard to get old.

显示译文▼

但我… 也很难变老。是真的，特别是在美国，人很难变老。

3

Once you turn 75 in America, you do not have a lot of options. You really don't.

显示译文▼

在美国，一旦你过了75岁，你就没有太多选择了。你真的不喜欢。

4

You can either be put into a nursing home or run every aspect of government.

显示译文▼

你要么被送进养老院，或者管理政府的方方面面（此处打趣说75岁了可以去竞选总统，调侃了美国当前处于老人执政时代）。

5

Those are the only options. All of you have to make a choice at 75.

显示译文▼

这是唯一的选择。你们都得在75岁时做出选择。

6

Do you want to play bingo all day long or do you want to pass legislation that will have no effect on your life whatsoever?

显示译文▼

你是想整天玩宾果游戏，还是想通过对你的生活没有任何影响的立法?

7

I thought as I get older, I'd get less anxious, and that is not the case. I'm a huge hypochondriac⁽¹⁾, and my twin sister is, too, but she's, like, a cocky kind.

显示译文▼

我以为随着年龄的增长，我会变得不那么焦虑，但事实并非如此。我是个严重的疑病症患者，我的双胞胎妹妹也是，但她，更加的过分自信。
⁽¹⁾hypochondriac，疑病症，患者对自身状态过分关注，相信患了某些实际并不存在的疾病，并对微不足道的一些症状和体征过分夸张而终日焦虑紧张。

8

Like, she recently saw a couple moles on my back. And this is how cocky she is. She said, "A couple of those moles look suspicious, but you should probably get a second opinion."

显示译文▼

比如，她最近看到我背上有几颗痣。这就是她有多过分自信。她说“有几颗痣看起来很可疑，你应该再听听别人的意见。”

9

I was like, "No offense, but I do not consider what you just said a first opinion." "Who do you think you are?" The gall.

显示译文▼

我说，“无意冒犯，但我不考虑你刚才说的第一个意见。”“你以为你是谁?”她不耐烦地说。

10

You know how crappy that'd be if I went to my doctor and I was like, "I was just with my twin sister, and now I'm here for a second opinion.

显示译文▼

你知道如果我去看医生会有多糟糕，我会说，“我刚刚和我的双胞胎妹妹在一起，现在我来这里听听别人（医生）的意见。

11

And after you, I'm gonna talk to my mailman, and he's gonna break the tie⁽²⁾. Why are you crying, Doctor?"

显示译文▼

并且在你之后，我会跟我这片的快递员谈谈，他会打破僵局的。等等，你怎么哭了，医生?”
⁽²⁾Break The Tie 打破不分胜负的局面。此处指的是如果妹妹与医生对病情的看法各执一词，就让快递员来定夺，对医生是莫大的羞辱。

12

Anyway, she was a little insulted 'cause she's a dermatologist. But I still feel strongly... that she was being condescending!

显示译文▼

总之，她有点被侮辱了，因为她是正规的皮肤科医生。但我仍然强烈地感到… 她(我妹妹)太傲慢了！

13

My mom is getting up there. My mom is in her 70s. And she's kind of losing it. Like, recently, one of my paychecks accidentally got mailed to her.

显示译文▼

我妈妈要到这个线（75岁退休）了。我妈妈70多岁了。她有点老糊涂了。就像最近，我的一张工资支票意外的寄到了她手里。

14

And she had to deposit it into my banking mobile account. And this is 100% true.

显示译文▼

然后她把钱存进了我的手机银行账户。这是100%正确的。

15

I'm on the phone with her, and she goes, "Alright. To get into your account, there's a security question!"

显示译文▼

我在和她打电话，她说，“好吧。要进入你的账户，有一个安全问题！”

16

And I'm like, "What's the security question?" And she goes, "What city was your mother born in?"

显示译文▼

我就说“安全问题是什么？”然后她道“你妈妈出生在哪个城市？”

17

"Are you telling me I'm adopted or that you have dementia? What's going on?"

显示译文▼

“你这是说我是被收养的，还是说你老年呆症了？”到底怎么了?”

18

Now isn't it terrifying to think that in only ten years, in only ten years, she'll be ready to run for president?

显示译文▼

现在想想是不是很可怕，仅仅十年，这才十年，她就准备好竞选总统了（调侃时任总统拜登）？

1

但我也在变老。你知道，我37岁了。很多人觉得我更年轻，因为我没啥成就。

显示原文▼

But I'm also getting older. You know, I'm 37. A lot of people think I'm younger 'cause I've had so few accomplishments.

2

但我… 也很难变老。是真的，特别是在美国，人很难变老。

显示原文▼

But I'm... And it's hard to get old, too. It really is. Especially in America. It is hard to get old.

3

在美国，一旦你过了75岁，你就没有太多选择了。你真的不喜欢。

显示原文▼

Once you turn 75 in America, you do not have a lot of options. You really don't.

4

你要么被送进养老院，或者管理政府的方方面面（此处打趣说75岁了可以去竞选总统，调侃了美国当前处于老人执政时代）。

显示原文▼

You can either be put into a nursing home or run every aspect of government.

5

这是唯一的选择。你们都得在75岁时做出选择。

显示原文▼

Those are the only options. All of you have to make a choice at 75.

6

你是想整天玩宾果游戏，还是想通过对你的生活没有任何影响的立法?

显示原文▼

Do you want to play bingo all day long or do you want to pass legislation that will have no effect on your life whatsoever?

7

我以为随着年龄的增长，我会变得不那么焦虑，但事实并非如此。我是个严重的疑病症患者，我的双胞胎妹妹也是，但她，更加的过分自信。

显示原文▼

I thought as I get older, I'd get less anxious, and that is not the case. I'm a huge hypochondriac⁽¹⁾, and my twin sister is, too, but she's, like, a cocky kind.
⁽¹⁾hypochondriac，疑病症，患者对自身状态过分关注，相信患了某些实际并不存在的疾病，并对微不足道的一些症状和体征过分夸张而终日焦虑紧张。

8

比如，她最近看到我背上有几颗痣。这就是她有多过分自信。她说“有几颗痣看起来很可疑，你应该再听听别人的意见。”

显示原文▼

Like, she recently saw a couple moles on my back. And this is how cocky she is. She said, "A couple of those moles look suspicious, but you should probably get a second opinion."

9

我说，“无意冒犯，但我不考虑你刚才说的第一个意见。”“你以为你是谁?”她不耐烦地说。

显示原文▼

I was like, "No offense, but I do not consider what you just said a first opinion." "Who do you think you are?" The gall.

10

你知道如果我去看医生会有多糟糕，我会说，“我刚刚和我的双胞胎妹妹在一起，现在我来这里听听别人（医生）的意见。

显示原文▼

You know how crappy that'd be if I went to my doctor and I was like, "I was just with my twin sister, and now I'm here for a second opinion.

11

并且在你之后，我会跟我这片的快递员谈谈，他会打破僵局的。等等，你怎么哭了，医生?”

显示原文▼

And after you, I'm gonna talk to my mailman, and he's gonna break the tie⁽²⁾. Why are you crying, Doctor?"
⁽²⁾Break The Tie 打破不分胜负的局面。此处指的是如果妹妹与医生对病情的看法各执一词，就让快递员来定夺，对医生是莫大的羞辱。

12

总之，她有点被侮辱了，因为她是正规的皮肤科医生。但我仍然强烈地感到… 她(我妹妹)太傲慢了！

显示原文▼

Anyway, she was a little insulted 'cause she's a dermatologist. But I still feel strongly... that she was being condescending!

13

我妈妈要到这个线（75岁退休）了。我妈妈70多岁了。她有点老糊涂了。就像最近，我的一张工资支票意外的寄到了她手里。

显示原文▼

My mom is getting up there. My mom is in her 70s. And she's kind of losing it. Like, recently, one of my paychecks accidentally got mailed to her.

14

然后她把钱存进了我的手机银行账户。这是100%正确的。

显示原文▼

And she had to deposit it into my banking mobile account. And this is 100% true.

15

我在和她打电话，她说，“好吧。要进入你的账户，有一个安全问题！”

显示原文▼

I'm on the phone with her, and she goes, "Alright. To get into your account, there's a security question!"

16

我就说“安全问题是什么？”然后她道“你妈妈出生在哪个城市？”

显示原文▼

And I'm like, "What's the security question?" And she goes, "What city was your mother born in?"

17

“你这是说我是被收养的，还是说你老年呆症了？”到底怎么了?”

显示原文▼

"Are you telling me I'm adopted or that you have dementia? What's going on?"

18

现在想想是不是很可怕，仅仅十年，这才十年，她就准备好竞选总统了（调侃时任总统拜登）？

显示原文▼

Now isn't it terrifying to think that in only ten years, in only ten years, she'll be ready to run for president?

1

But I'm also getting older. You know, I'm 37. A lot of people think I'm younger 'cause I've had so few accomplishments.
2

But I'm... And it's hard to get old, too. It really is. Especially in America. It is hard to get old.
3

Once you turn 75 in America, you do not have a lot of options. You really don't.
4

You can either be put into a nursing home or run every aspect of government.
5

Those are the only options. All of you have to make a choice at 75.
6

Do you want to play bingo all day long or do you want to pass legislation that will have no effect on your life whatsoever?
7

I thought as I get older, I'd get less anxious, and that is not the case. I'm a huge hypochondriac⁽¹⁾, and my twin sister is, too, but she's, like, a cocky kind.
8

Like, she recently saw a couple moles on my back. And this is how cocky she is. She said, "A couple of those moles look suspicious, but you should probably get a second opinion."
9

I was like, "No offense, but I do not consider what you just said a first opinion." "Who do you think you are?" The gall.
10

You know how crappy that'd be if I went to my doctor and I was like, "I was just with my twin sister, and now I'm here for a second opinion.
11

And after you, I'm gonna talk to my mailman, and he's gonna break the tie⁽²⁾. Why are you crying, Doctor?"
12

Anyway, she was a little insulted 'cause she's a dermatologist. But I still feel strongly... that she was being condescending!
13

My mom is getting up there. My mom is in her 70s. And she's kind of losing it. Like, recently, one of my paychecks accidentally got mailed to her.
14

And she had to deposit it into my banking mobile account. And this is 100% true.
15

I'm on the phone with her, and she goes, "Alright. To get into your account, there's a security question!"
16

And I'm like, "What's the security question?" And she goes, "What city was your mother born in?"
17

"Are you telling me I'm adopted or that you have dementia? What's going on?"
18

Now isn't it terrifying to think that in only ten years, in only ten years, she'll be ready to run for president?