I tried dating a bunch this year. I went on two Zoom dates⁽¹⁾, everybody. Yeah. It didn't work out. There was a bad connection. Thank you so much. Yes, it was a dad joke, but I look like a dad, so shut up!
I went on a date with a girl from Bumble. And after the date, I knew we wouldn't meet up again.
But I wanted to be nice about it. so I wrote her a message. I said, "Hey, thanks so much for meeting up." You know, "Have a good one."
And she wrote back, "Yes, very enjoyable meeting you, as well. Good luck on all your future endeavors."
And I was like, "Did I just get fired from a date?" "does Bumble have an HR department? "
'Cause I still want to do, like, normal life. I want to have kids. But I'm over 40. And if you're over 40 and you don't have kids, you just become the weird guy around kids.
Like, if I met your kids, I'd be like, "Hello!" I'd be like, "How are you?" Like, not in a messed up way. I just like kids.
And the other day, I walked out of a store, and I see these parents with their toddler. And the toddler is, like, screaming his head off, crying, right.
help. And I go, "What's the matter?" Like, thinking he'll turn around and go, "I'm a toddler. I'm tired. Don't worry about it."
But he doesn't. He turns around, and he goes like this. Like, "Pick me up" kind of thing. So now I'm like, "Do I pick up this strange baby? In the middle of New York City?"
And I look at the dad for, like, permission to hug the baby. I go, "Can I hug your baby?" He's like, "Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Go ahead."
Which is such a dad response. If it was a mom, she'd be like, "I need three forms of ID. and a phone bill before you look at my kid."
A dad is like, "I don't even know if it's my kid." So this is totally true. So I did, I picked up the baby.
And I ran as fast as I could. I ran and I ran and I ran. And now I'm raising a baby! That's actually not true.
The real ending of that story is I picked up the baby and we both looked at each other like we shouldn't be doing this, and I put the baby down. Thank you so much, everybody. I'm Sean Donnelly. Good night. Thank you.