我现在还单着 | 口语小本本spoken.cc

[00:00.00]My mom really wants me to settle down, 
[00:01.61]have kids. You know, my younger brother 
[00:03.40]has a 2-year-old daughter now.
[00:04.65]And everybody's like, "Oh, now 
[00:05.79]that your brother has a kid, 
[00:06.71]your mom's gonna put less pressure 
[00:07.77]on you to have kids." It's not true.
[00:09.64]She doesn't put less pressure on me, 
[00:11.27]she's just changed her approach. That's all.
[00:13.70]Like, the other day, I met up with my mom 
[00:14.73]and my niece, and my niece was crying.
[00:16.63]I was like, "Mom, why is she crying?" 
[00:18.00]And she goes, "I think it's because 
[00:19.34]she doesn't have a cousin." 
[00:20.24]She's a genius. She's brilliant, that woman. 
[00:22.36]I take my niece to go get coffee 
[00:23.63]every morning. I take her 
[00:24.96]to the coffee shop. That's our routine.
[00:26.36]And I love doing it for two reasons. 
[00:28.43]One, she's so cute. And two, 
[00:30.66]it is so easy to pick up women. 
[00:32.36]But only if I make it very clear 
[00:34.22]that she's not my daughter.
[00:35.33]So the other day, 
[00:36.40]we were at the coffee shop. 
[00:37.40]Some beautiful girl passed by, 
[00:38.51]looked at my niece, and I was like, 
[00:39.78]"Can you say 'uncle'?" 
[00:40.86]"Can you say 'single uncle'?"
[00:43.29]"Who's your single uncle, huh? 
[00:45.25]Who's your single uncle 
[00:46.44]who will definitely be faithful this time 
[00:48.22]around because he learned his lesson?"
[00:50.20]Even my friends are starting 
[00:51.56]to worry about me. Like, the other day, 
[00:52.74]my friend goes, "Hey, Eric, you have to 
[00:54.31]meet a girl before you become rich because 
[00:56.53]then you'll know she really loves you."
[00:57.94]He goes, "Look at LeBron James." 
[00:59.55]That was the example he used LeBron James.
[01:02.24]He goes, "LeBron met his wife in high school, 
[01:04.94]right? So you know she really loves him. 
[01:06.54]She dated him before he was LeBron James."
[01:08.79]I'm like, "Yeah, but it's not like 
[01:10.79]there weren't signs." 
[01:12.90]"Becky, you'll never guess 
[01:13.63]who just asked me out. You know that guy, 
[01:14.92]LeBron, who's 6'9" 
[01:16.20]and averages 85 points per game?"
[01:17.90]"Yeah, the one who was on the cover of 
[01:19.68]'Sports Illustrated' at 14 years old?" 
[01:22.66]"Yeah, I think I'm gonna roll the dice on him."
[01:24.34]"I know it's a long shot. I'm gonna go for it. 
[01:27.28]I have no idea what he wants to do 
[01:28.69]for his career." "I know, for fun, 
[01:31.11]he likes to hop over school buses. 
[01:32.96]But for a career, who knows?" 
[01:34.80]You guys have been amazing. 
[01:35.66]I'm Eric Neumann. Thank you so much, 
[01:36.82]everybody. - That's Eric Neumann! 
[01:39.23]He'll be at the New York Comedy Cellar 
[01:41.74]March 4th through the 6th.

我现在还单着

tags: 单口脱口喜剧诺伊曼

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1

My mom really wants me to settle down, have kids. You know, my younger brother has a 2-year-old daughter now.

显示译文▼

我妈真的希望我能安定下来，要个孩子。你知道吗，我弟弟现在有一个两岁的女儿。

2

And everybody's like, "Oh, now that your brother has a kid, your mom's gonna put less pressure on you to have kids." It's not true.

显示译文▼

每个人都说，“哦，既然你哥哥有了孩子，你妈妈就不会给你那么多要孩子的压力了。”这不是真的。

3

She doesn't put less pressure on me, she's just changed her approach. That's all.

显示译文▼

她没有减少对我的压力，她只是改变了她的方法。就这些。

4

Like, the other day, I met up with my mom and my niece, and my niece was crying.

显示译文▼

有一天，我遇到了我妈妈和我侄女，我侄女哭了。

5

I was like, "Mom, why is she crying?" And she goes, "I think it's because she doesn't have a cousin."

显示译文▼

我问“妈妈，她为什么哭？”她说“我想那是因为她没有姊妹。”

6

She's a genius. She's brilliant, that woman. I take my niece to go get coffee every morning. I take her to the coffee shop. That's our routine.

显示译文▼

她是一个天才。那个女人很聪明。我每天早上都带我侄女去喝咖啡。我带她去咖啡店。这是我们的常规。

7

And I love doing it for two reasons. One, she's so cute. And two, it is so easy to pick up women. But only if I make it very clear that she's not my daughter.

显示译文▼

我喜欢这样做有两个原因。第一，她太可爱了。其次，带女娃容易跟妹子搭讪。但前提是我说清楚她不是我女儿。

8

So the other day, we were at the coffee shop. Some beautiful girl passed by, looked at my niece, and I was like, "Can you say 'uncle'?" "Can you say 'single uncle'?"

显示译文▼

那天，我们在咖啡店。有个漂亮的女孩经过，看着我侄女，我就说，“你能叫我叔叔吗？你叫我‘单身叔叔’吗？”

9

"Who's your single uncle, huh? Who's your single uncle who will definitely be faithful this time around because he learned his lesson?"

显示译文▼

女孩说“小妹妹，谁是你的单身叔叔？谁是你的单身叔叔，这次他肯定会忠诚，因为他吸取了教训？”

10

Even my friends are starting to worry about me. Like, the other day, my friend goes, "Hey, Eric, you have to meet a girl before you become rich because then you'll know she really loves you."

显示译文▼

连我的朋友都开始担心我了。就像，前几天，我的朋友说，“嘿，埃里克，你必须在变得富有之前遇到一个女孩，因为这样你才会知道她真的爱你。”

11

He goes, "Look at LeBron James." That was the example he used -- LeBron James.

显示译文▼

他说，“看看勒布朗·詹姆斯。”这就是他用的例子——勒布朗·詹姆斯。

12

He goes, "LeBron met his wife in high school, right? So you know she really loves him. She dated him before he was LeBron James."

显示译文▼

他说：“勒布朗是在高中认识他妻子的，对吧？所以你知道她真的爱他。她在他成为大名鼎鼎的勒布朗·詹姆斯之前就和他恋爱了。”

13

I'm like, "Yeah, but it's not like there weren't signs." "Becky, you'll never guess who just asked me out. You know that guy, LeBron, who's 6'9" and averages 85 points per game?"

显示译文▼

我说“是啊，但也不是什么征兆都没有”，她可能会这么说“贝基，你绝对猜不到刚才谁约我了。你知道那个勒布朗吗？他身高6尺9寸（2.3米），场均85分。”

14

"Yeah, the one who was on the cover of 'Sports Illustrated' at 14 years old?" "Yeah, I think I'm gonna roll the dice⁽¹⁾ on him."

显示译文▼

“是的，就是那个14岁就上了《体育画报》封面的那个?”“是啊，我想我要在他身上赌一把。”
⁽¹⁾roll the dice 是掷骰子。一般比喻下赌注，打赌，孤注一掷的意思。

15

"I know it's a long shot⁽²⁾. I'm gonna go for it. I have no idea what he wants to do for his career."

显示译文▼

“我知道机会不大。我要去试试。我不知道他想要从事什么职业。"
⁽²⁾Long shot这个说法可追溯至19世纪，与枪射击有关。目标越远就越难瞄准击中。现在指机会渺茫，不太可能得到。

16

"I know, for fun, he likes to hop over school buses. But for a career, who knows?" You guys have been amazing. I'm Eric Neumann. Thank you so much, everybody.

显示译文▼

“我知道，他喜欢在校车上跳来跳去。但对于职业来说，谁知道呢？”你们太棒了。我是埃里克·诺伊曼。非常感谢大家。

17

That's Eric Neumann! He'll be at the New York Comedy Cellar March 4th through the 6th.

显示译文▼

这是埃里克·诺伊曼！他会在3月4日到6日在纽约喜剧地下室演出。

1

我妈真的希望我能安定下来，要个孩子。你知道吗，我弟弟现在有一个两岁的女儿。

显示原文▼

My mom really wants me to settle down, have kids. You know, my younger brother has a 2-year-old daughter now.

2

每个人都说，“哦，既然你哥哥有了孩子，你妈妈就不会给你那么多要孩子的压力了。”这不是真的。

显示原文▼

And everybody's like, "Oh, now that your brother has a kid, your mom's gonna put less pressure on you to have kids." It's not true.

3

她没有减少对我的压力，她只是改变了她的方法。就这些。

显示原文▼

She doesn't put less pressure on me, she's just changed her approach. That's all.

4

有一天，我遇到了我妈妈和我侄女，我侄女哭了。

显示原文▼

Like, the other day, I met up with my mom and my niece, and my niece was crying.

5

我问“妈妈，她为什么哭？”她说“我想那是因为她没有姊妹。”

显示原文▼

I was like, "Mom, why is she crying?" And she goes, "I think it's because she doesn't have a cousin."

6

她是一个天才。那个女人很聪明。我每天早上都带我侄女去喝咖啡。我带她去咖啡店。这是我们的常规。

显示原文▼

She's a genius. She's brilliant, that woman. I take my niece to go get coffee every morning. I take her to the coffee shop. That's our routine.

7

我喜欢这样做有两个原因。第一，她太可爱了。其次，带女娃容易跟妹子搭讪。但前提是我说清楚她不是我女儿。

显示原文▼

And I love doing it for two reasons. One, she's so cute. And two, it is so easy to pick up women. But only if I make it very clear that she's not my daughter.

8

那天，我们在咖啡店。有个漂亮的女孩经过，看着我侄女，我就说，“你能叫我叔叔吗？你叫我‘单身叔叔’吗？”

显示原文▼

So the other day, we were at the coffee shop. Some beautiful girl passed by, looked at my niece, and I was like, "Can you say 'uncle'?" "Can you say 'single uncle'?"

9

女孩说“小妹妹，谁是你的单身叔叔？谁是你的单身叔叔，这次他肯定会忠诚，因为他吸取了教训？”

显示原文▼

"Who's your single uncle, huh? Who's your single uncle who will definitely be faithful this time around because he learned his lesson?"

10

连我的朋友都开始担心我了。就像，前几天，我的朋友说，“嘿，埃里克，你必须在变得富有之前遇到一个女孩，因为这样你才会知道她真的爱你。”

显示原文▼

Even my friends are starting to worry about me. Like, the other day, my friend goes, "Hey, Eric, you have to meet a girl before you become rich because then you'll know she really loves you."

11

他说，“看看勒布朗·詹姆斯。”这就是他用的例子——勒布朗·詹姆斯。

显示原文▼

He goes, "Look at LeBron James." That was the example he used -- LeBron James.

12

他说：“勒布朗是在高中认识他妻子的，对吧？所以你知道她真的爱他。她在他成为大名鼎鼎的勒布朗·詹姆斯之前就和他恋爱了。”

显示原文▼

He goes, "LeBron met his wife in high school, right? So you know she really loves him. She dated him before he was LeBron James."

13

我说“是啊，但也不是什么征兆都没有”，她可能会这么说“贝基，你绝对猜不到刚才谁约我了。你知道那个勒布朗吗？他身高6尺9寸（2.3米），场均85分。”

显示原文▼

I'm like, "Yeah, but it's not like there weren't signs." "Becky, you'll never guess who just asked me out. You know that guy, LeBron, who's 6'9" and averages 85 points per game?"

14

“是的，就是那个14岁就上了《体育画报》封面的那个?”“是啊，我想我要在他身上赌一把。”

显示原文▼

"Yeah, the one who was on the cover of 'Sports Illustrated' at 14 years old?" "Yeah, I think I'm gonna roll the dice⁽¹⁾ on him."
⁽¹⁾roll the dice 是掷骰子。一般比喻下赌注，打赌，孤注一掷的意思。

15

“我知道机会不大。我要去试试。我不知道他想要从事什么职业。"

显示原文▼

"I know it's a long shot⁽²⁾. I'm gonna go for it. I have no idea what he wants to do for his career."
⁽²⁾Long shot这个说法可追溯至19世纪，与枪射击有关。目标越远就越难瞄准击中。现在指机会渺茫，不太可能得到。

16

“我知道，他喜欢在校车上跳来跳去。但对于职业来说，谁知道呢？”你们太棒了。我是埃里克·诺伊曼。非常感谢大家。

显示原文▼

"I know, for fun, he likes to hop over school buses. But for a career, who knows?" You guys have been amazing. I'm Eric Neumann. Thank you so much, everybody.

17

这是埃里克·诺伊曼！他会在3月4日到6日在纽约喜剧地下室演出。

显示原文▼

That's Eric Neumann! He'll be at the New York Comedy Cellar March 4th through the 6th.

1

My mom really wants me to settle down, have kids. You know, my younger brother has a 2-year-old daughter now.
2

And everybody's like, "Oh, now that your brother has a kid, your mom's gonna put less pressure on you to have kids." It's not true.
3

She doesn't put less pressure on me, she's just changed her approach. That's all.
4

Like, the other day, I met up with my mom and my niece, and my niece was crying.
5

I was like, "Mom, why is she crying?" And she goes, "I think it's because she doesn't have a cousin."
6

She's a genius. She's brilliant, that woman. I take my niece to go get coffee every morning. I take her to the coffee shop. That's our routine.
7

And I love doing it for two reasons. One, she's so cute. And two, it is so easy to pick up women. But only if I make it very clear that she's not my daughter.
8

So the other day, we were at the coffee shop. Some beautiful girl passed by, looked at my niece, and I was like, "Can you say 'uncle'?" "Can you say 'single uncle'?"
9

"Who's your single uncle, huh? Who's your single uncle who will definitely be faithful this time around because he learned his lesson?"
10

Even my friends are starting to worry about me. Like, the other day, my friend goes, "Hey, Eric, you have to meet a girl before you become rich because then you'll know she really loves you."
11

He goes, "Look at LeBron James." That was the example he used -- LeBron James.
12

He goes, "LeBron met his wife in high school, right? So you know she really loves him. She dated him before he was LeBron James."
13

I'm like, "Yeah, but it's not like there weren't signs." "Becky, you'll never guess who just asked me out. You know that guy, LeBron, who's 6'9" and averages 85 points per game?"
14

"Yeah, the one who was on the cover of 'Sports Illustrated' at 14 years old?" "Yeah, I think I'm gonna roll the dice⁽¹⁾ on him."
15

"I know it's a long shot⁽²⁾. I'm gonna go for it. I have no idea what he wants to do for his career."
16

"I know, for fun, he likes to hop over school buses. But for a career, who knows?" You guys have been amazing. I'm Eric Neumann. Thank you so much, everybody.
17

That's Eric Neumann! He'll be at the New York Comedy Cellar March 4th through the 6th.