Our next guest can be seen this weekend at the New York Comedy Cellar. Making his "Tonight Show" debut, please welcome the very funny Sean Donnelly.
Yes! We're doing it! How are you? It's so good to be here. I had so many milestones this year. I turned 43, everybody. 43 years old. Yeah.
I look 55, but I turned 43. It sucks. I even live in Queens⁽¹⁾ now. Queens, New York, that's where I live. Yeah.
I used to live in Brooklyn, but then I turned 40, and they kick you out of Brooklyn when you turn 40. "Time Out" and "New York Magazine", they come to your house and they kick you out⁽²⁾.
It's actually just a hipster with a giant scarf on a scooter. He just scoots to your house, and he just rings the bell. He goes, "You gotta go!" I'm like, "I gotta go, I gotta get out of here."⁽³⁾
I'm getting used to being older. My body is changing. I used to do acid⁽⁴⁾. Now I have acid reflux.
I also learned about ear hair. I don't know if you guys have that. Ear hair is a thing in your 40s. Nobody told me I would become a monster at 43.
The only cool thing about ear hair is that if you're alone and you start to play with it and you're bored, it sounds like you have a tiny deejay inside your head.
So you're like You're old! You don't have a 401(k)! What, wha-what, wha-wha-wha-what, Your prostate is broken. What, what, wha-wha-wha-what.
I had another milestone this year. I lost 60 pounds, everybody. 60 pounds. Yeah! Yeah. Some of you are clapping and some of are you like, "No, you didn't," and that's messed up.
I did it with intermittent fasting. 'Cause I was trying everything. I even went to a trainer at the gym. And after one of the workouts, I go, "That was a really hard workout."
And he goes, "That was the stretching. I hate to break it to you. And you're in a Dick's Sporting Goods. I didn't really want to tell you that one."
And I was like, "Yeah, but I used your stair machine." He's like, "That's an escalator. Do you not know that? That's crazy."