But I'm also getting older. You know, I'm 37. A lot of people think I'm younger 'cause I've had so few accomplishments.
But I'm... And it's hard to get old, too. It really is. Especially in America. It is hard to get old.
Once you turn 75 in America, you do not have a lot of options. You really don't.
You can either be put into a nursing home or run every aspect of government.
Those are the only options. All of you have to make a choice at 75.
Do you want to play bingo all day long or do you want to pass legislation that will have no effect on your life whatsoever?
I thought as I get older, I'd get less anxious, and that is not the case. I'm a huge hypochondriac⁽¹⁾, and my twin sister is, too, but she's, like, a cocky kind.
Like, she recently saw a couple moles on my back. And this is how cocky she is. She said, "A couple of those moles look suspicious, but you should probably get a second opinion."
I was like, "No offense, but I do not consider what you just said a first opinion." "Who do you think you are?" The gall.
You know how crappy that'd be if I went to my doctor and I was like, "I was just with my twin sister, and now I'm here for a second opinion.
And after you, I'm gonna talk to my mailman, and he's gonna break the tie⁽²⁾. Why are you crying, Doctor?"
并且在你之后，我会跟我这片的快递员谈谈，他会打破僵局的。等等，你怎么哭了，医生?”⁽²⁾Break The Tie 打破不分胜负的局面。此处指的是如果妹妹与医生对病情的看法各执一词，就让快递员来定夺，对医生是莫大的羞辱。
Anyway, she was a little insulted 'cause she's a dermatologist. But I still feel strongly... that she was being condescending!
My mom is getting up there. My mom is in her 70s. And she's kind of losing it. Like, recently, one of my paychecks accidentally got mailed to her.
And she had to deposit it into my banking mobile account. And this is 100% true.
I'm on the phone with her, and she goes, "Alright. To get into your account, there's a security question!"
And I'm like, "What's the security question?" And she goes, "What city was your mother born in?"
"Are you telling me I'm adopted or that you have dementia? What's going on?"
Now isn't it terrifying to think that in only ten years, in only ten years, she'll be ready to run for president?