斗不过心理医生&回忆小学趣事 | 口语小本本spoken.cc

[00:00.00]I just found out my mom and I 
[00:01.26]have the same therapist. 
[00:02.66]Which is weird. It's weird. 
[00:05.24]But it's fine because he's 
[00:06.78]sworn to confidentiality. 
[00:08.42]Like, he can't even legally admit 
[00:10.14]that he knows who my mom is. 
[00:11.43]So sometimes, I like to test him 
[00:12.85]to see how professional he is.
[00:14.00]The other day, I was like, 
[00:14.96]"Oh, my mom's so overbearing, man. 
[00:16.34]I can't take it. She's in therapy to get help 
[00:18.84]but says her therapist is an unhelpful moron. 
[00:21.69]Can't even believe he has a degree, really."
[00:24.50]He's like, "Oh, that's weird, 
[00:25.55]because I have a patient 
[00:26.23]whose son is a real schmuck." I'm like, 
[00:28.51]"All right, touché, sir. You won that battle." 
[00:31.42]I've gotten my heart broken so many times. 
[00:33.89]So many times. I remember I dated 
[00:36.29]this girl briefly in fifth grade. 
[00:37.99]And I haven't seen her since fifth grade.
[00:40.43]Last week, I ran into her on the street, 
[00:42.25]and she goes, "Hey, Eric, remember 
[00:43.67]when I broke up with you in 5th grade 
[00:45.28]because the nurse pulled you 
[00:46.77]out of the classroom for having lice."
[00:48.37]I'm, like, "You mean the most devastating 
[00:50.34]moment of my entire life?" 
[00:51.50]"Yeah, I vaguely recall that." 
[00:53.97]I remember I was so devastated, 
[00:55.87]I came back into the classroom, 
[00:57.33]and some kid next to me was like, 
[00:58.23]"Eric, why do you look so sad?"
[00:59.50]I'm like, "Because Nadia just dumped me, 
[01:01.54]and now I'm all alone." And I swear he 
[01:03.62]pointed at my head, 
[01:04.41]and he's like, "No, you're not!"

斗不过心理医生&回忆小学趣事

tags: 单口脱口喜剧诺伊曼

主要角色

埃里克·诺伊曼 Eric Neumann
美国脱口秀演员

内容

英中
中英
盲听

1

I just found out my mom and I have the same therapist⁽¹⁾. Which is weird. It's weird. But it's fine because he's sworn to confidentiality.

显示译文▼

我刚发现我妈妈和我有同一个心理医生。这是奇怪的，很奇怪。但还好，因为他发誓要保密。
⁽¹⁾therapist，一般是指谈话治疗的心理医生。这些人一般在美国必须要有心理学的高级学衔（Ph.D，泛指学术研究型博士学位）。

2

Like, he can't even legally admit that he knows who my mom is. So sometimes, I like to test him to see how professional he is.

显示译文▼

比如，他甚至不会合法地承认他知道我妈妈是谁。所以有时候，我喜欢测试他看他有多专业。

3

The other day, I was like, "Oh, my mom's so overbearing, man. I can't take it. She's in therapy to get help but says her therapist is an unhelpful moron. Can't even believe he has a degree, really."

显示译文▼

有一天，我说“我妈太专横了，伙计，我不能接受，她正在接受治疗，但她说她的治疗师是个没用的白痴。真不敢相信他有学位，真的。”

4

He's like, "Oh, that's weird, because I have a patient whose son is a real schmuck." I'm like, "All right, touché⁽²⁾, sir. You won that battle."

显示译文▼

他说“这太奇怪了，因为我有个病人的儿子是个十足的笨蛋”，我说:“好吧，被你点中要害了，先生。你赢得了这场战斗。”
⁽²⁾touché是toucher的变位形式，既是法语又是英语。法语中的意思是被影响的意思，英语中Touché表示被指出漏洞的意思，也就是说“一针见血”。

5

I've gotten my heart broken so many times. So many times. I remember I dated this girl briefly in fifth grade. And I haven't seen her since fifth grade.

显示译文▼

我有过不知多少次的心碎。是的很多次。我记得我在五年级时和一个女孩短暂好过。五年级后我就没见过她了。

6

Last week, I ran into⁽³⁾ her on the street, and she goes, "Hey, Eric, remember when I broke up with you in 5th grade because the nurse pulled you out of the classroom for having lice."

显示译文▼

上周，我在街上碰到她，她说“嘿，埃里克，还记得我五年级和你分手吗？因为你长虱子被护士从教室拉出去了。"
⁽³⁾ran into，跑进；(河)注入(海)；撞上；到达，web.陷入；跑进去；偶然碰到某事。

7

I'm, like, "You mean the most devastating moment of my entire life?" "Yeah, I vaguely recall that."

显示译文▼

我心想“你是说我这辈子最伤心的时刻吗？”，然后说“是的，我隐约记得。”

8

I remember I was so devastated, I came back into the classroom, and some kid next to me was like, "Eric, why do you look so sad?"

显示译文▼

我记得我当时非常沮丧，我回到教室，我旁边的有些孩子问我:“埃里克，你为什么看起来这么伤心？”

9

I'm like, "Because Nadia just dumped me, and now I'm all alone." And I swear he pointed at my head, and he's like, "No, you're not!"

显示译文▼

我说“因为娜迪亚刚甩了我，我现在孤身一人”，我发誓他当时指着我的头，说“不，你不是（还有虱子和你做伴）”。

1

我刚发现我妈妈和我有同一个心理医生。这是奇怪的，很奇怪。但还好，因为他发誓要保密。

显示原文▼

I just found out my mom and I have the same therapist⁽¹⁾. Which is weird. It's weird. But it's fine because he's sworn to confidentiality.
⁽¹⁾therapist，一般是指谈话治疗的心理医生。这些人一般在美国必须要有心理学的高级学衔（Ph.D，泛指学术研究型博士学位）。

2

比如，他甚至不会合法地承认他知道我妈妈是谁。所以有时候，我喜欢测试他看他有多专业。

显示原文▼

Like, he can't even legally admit that he knows who my mom is. So sometimes, I like to test him to see how professional he is.

3

有一天，我说“我妈太专横了，伙计，我不能接受，她正在接受治疗，但她说她的治疗师是个没用的白痴。真不敢相信他有学位，真的。”

显示原文▼

The other day, I was like, "Oh, my mom's so overbearing, man. I can't take it. She's in therapy to get help but says her therapist is an unhelpful moron. Can't even believe he has a degree, really."

4

他说“这太奇怪了，因为我有个病人的儿子是个十足的笨蛋”，我说:“好吧，被你点中要害了，先生。你赢得了这场战斗。”

显示原文▼

He's like, "Oh, that's weird, because I have a patient whose son is a real schmuck." I'm like, "All right, touché⁽²⁾, sir. You won that battle."
⁽²⁾touché是toucher的变位形式，既是法语又是英语。法语中的意思是被影响的意思，英语中Touché表示被指出漏洞的意思，也就是说“一针见血”。

5

我有过不知多少次的心碎。是的很多次。我记得我在五年级时和一个女孩短暂好过。五年级后我就没见过她了。

显示原文▼

I've gotten my heart broken so many times. So many times. I remember I dated this girl briefly in fifth grade. And I haven't seen her since fifth grade.

6

上周，我在街上碰到她，她说“嘿，埃里克，还记得我五年级和你分手吗？因为你长虱子被护士从教室拉出去了。"

显示原文▼

Last week, I ran into⁽³⁾ her on the street, and she goes, "Hey, Eric, remember when I broke up with you in 5th grade because the nurse pulled you out of the classroom for having lice."
⁽³⁾ran into，跑进；(河)注入(海)；撞上；到达，web.陷入；跑进去；偶然碰到某事。

7

我心想“你是说我这辈子最伤心的时刻吗？”，然后说“是的，我隐约记得。”

显示原文▼

I'm, like, "You mean the most devastating moment of my entire life?" "Yeah, I vaguely recall that."

8

我记得我当时非常沮丧，我回到教室，我旁边的有些孩子问我:“埃里克，你为什么看起来这么伤心？”

显示原文▼

I remember I was so devastated, I came back into the classroom, and some kid next to me was like, "Eric, why do you look so sad?"

9

我说“因为娜迪亚刚甩了我，我现在孤身一人”，我发誓他当时指着我的头，说“不，你不是（还有虱子和你做伴）”。

显示原文▼

I'm like, "Because Nadia just dumped me, and now I'm all alone." And I swear he pointed at my head, and he's like, "No, you're not!"

1

I just found out my mom and I have the same therapist⁽¹⁾. Which is weird. It's weird. But it's fine because he's sworn to confidentiality.
2

Like, he can't even legally admit that he knows who my mom is. So sometimes, I like to test him to see how professional he is.
3

The other day, I was like, "Oh, my mom's so overbearing, man. I can't take it. She's in therapy to get help but says her therapist is an unhelpful moron. Can't even believe he has a degree, really."
4

He's like, "Oh, that's weird, because I have a patient whose son is a real schmuck." I'm like, "All right, touché⁽²⁾, sir. You won that battle."
5

I've gotten my heart broken so many times. So many times. I remember I dated this girl briefly in fifth grade. And I haven't seen her since fifth grade.
6

Last week, I ran into⁽³⁾ her on the street, and she goes, "Hey, Eric, remember when I broke up with you in 5th grade because the nurse pulled you out of the classroom for having lice."
7

I'm, like, "You mean the most devastating moment of my entire life?" "Yeah, I vaguely recall that."
8

I remember I was so devastated, I came back into the classroom, and some kid next to me was like, "Eric, why do you look so sad?"
9

I'm like, "Because Nadia just dumped me, and now I'm all alone." And I swear he pointed at my head, and he's like, "No, you're not!"